Matt Haze

Intelligent comedy.

Today’s Random Haze Thoughts…

Mar 9

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I’ve had no real deep, thought provoking thoughts today running through my head… except these three…

1. PING PONG. I love sitting in Bryant Park when the weather starts to break and watch local ping pong fans doing their thing.  It’s intriguing to watch.  What other part of the country will you see that?!  Nowhere.  I need to practice and get into a few games.  What a better way to relax and enjoy the weather and people of New York…especially this time of year.

2. THE L.A. BEARD. I lived in Los Angeles in 2008.  While I was there, I got lazy.  Lazy about shaving everyday.  What formed has been nicknamed by my close friends as the “L.A. Beard.”  They didn’t nickname it because they liked it.  They nicknamed it because they hated it.  No one back in the Midwest or east coast really got into it.  But I liked it.  Slowly but surely lately, it’s been coming back.  Will I keep it?  The jury is still out.

3. PIE. I love pie.  Do you like pie?  Not to sound like one of the best lines from the Men in Black movies, but I LOVE PIE.  Pie fixes everything.  My friends recently debated with me that ice cream was the fix all to our problems, but I disagree.  When was the last time you had pie?  Probably the holidays.  You usually only have pie during big family gatherings.  Ice cream is a more normal, and obvious, item to have when you’re not feeling well about life.  So why not treat yourself to PIE???  It’s different… and it’s damn good.

That is all today.

Carry on.

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Dead Mouse Walking: New Yorkers ain’t happy with Mickey

Mar 7

Posted by matthaze in Business models | No Comments

Have you seen this mouse???

There’s currently a warrant out for Mickey Mouse.  Pissed off New Yorkers are going to tar and feather the mouse in the middle of Central Park for being a greedy bastard.

While you were asleep, Cablevision pulled WABC Channel 7 from its lineup of channels.  That’s right… the flagship of the ABC Television Network was pulled from the channel lineup for many customers in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.

Disney, which is WABC’s parent company, wants Cablevision to fork over $40 million a year to carry WABC’s signal on its channel lineup, according to an article in Business Week.  This is on top of the already $200 million the cable operator pays for the cable channels that Disney operates and distributes.

Why is Disney doing this?

Simple.

The network television business model is dying.  It can’t survive in its current form.  Cable channels are thriving because it has two main forms of revenue: subscription costs paid for by cable operators and advertising.

Network television only gets money from advertising.

So what do the big boys think they can do?  Do EXACTLY what one business model is able to do to make up the loss for the others.  But it doesn’t work that way.

Network television is in a desperate attempt to find revenue.  As advertising dollars start to dwindle thanks to the expansion of the media and targeted ways to get your message out, the network’s generic message branding options are not as necessary or as cost effective to businesses as they once were.

Simply put: they’re desperate.  And they’re trying anything they can.

In this shifting media time, the networks and local affiliates also need to learn that it’s time for THEM to change and let their business model evolve to the next level.

Many of the “traditional media” outlets are scared of what us new media people are doing.  They see competition because we are giving content to people on their level, how they want it and WHEN they want it.

Instead of fighting it, big networks and local affiliates, it’s time to ADAPT and join the new world of media.

Your business model is dying.  Don’t try to put a band-aid on something that needs to radically change.

Just change it.

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The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur

Mar 7

Posted by matthaze in Business models | 2 Comments

It’s no secret that one of the keys to be successful is to make yourself stand out, especially if you’re in a crowded field.

This guy wins that award.

Last night during a trip to Barnes and Noble, I went in to pick up Seth Godin’s new book Linchpin.

While taking a friendly stroll through the Business section, THIS book caught my eye and made me stop for a moment to look.

I'm sorry, what?

Do I need to explain why?  Nope.

It’s unique.  Different.  And, quite honestly, made me wonder a bit.

I love books and ideas that do that to me.

So I walked out of Barnes and Noble with TWO books last night.

Mike Michalowicz, kudos to you.  You caught my attention.  This should be interesting. :-)

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An open letter to the ladies of The Bachelor…

Mar 2

Posted by matthaze in Just for fun, Life | 2 Comments

Dear Ladies…

I know your hearts are broken.  You think you lost the true love of your life and you’ll never find that feeling again.  He was successful… charming… good looking… and knew how to wine and dine you on national TV with ABC’s money.

But let me ask you a question…

Like you have to question this choice?!

Why would you want that heart breaking douchebag on the left when you can have that stunningly good looking man on the right?!?

SO…

Friday.  8:30.  Applebee’s.  I’ll be in the booth in the corner waiting for you with a rose.

Hope you don’t mind that we get the 2 for $20 special.

See you then.

Love,
Your Prince Charming

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Captain Obvious would like to remind you…

Feb 16

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,,,of this important fact as you sit next to one sipping on your overpriced, poorly made cafe mocha…

Captain Obvious: Saving dumbasses from personal injury since Adam ate the apple that Eve said no to ions ago.

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Mathematical Probability a Woman would Talk to and/or Date Matt Haze

Feb 12

Posted by matthaze in Just for fun, Life | No Comments

Thousands of dollars have been spent on research to discover the secret to my love life…

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MTV: No longer Music Television. In Snooki we trust!

Feb 10

Posted by matthaze in Business models, Just for fun, Life | No Comments

This depresses me and makes me want to drink

Never saw this coming.  Really.  Total shocker.

MTV has removed the “Music Television” line from its logo and marketing.

I believe my friends over at RAMP (Radio and Music Pros) said it best and exactly how I feel about Viacom’s decision in their daily email this morning…

“After several years, the concept of truth in advertising has finally taken hold at MTV, where the term “Music Television” has now disappeared from the channel’s logo — and it’s about time, since the channel that brought you such high-quality, award-winning, IQ-enhancing programming as The Hills, 16 and Pregnant, Real World-Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins and its latest Guido-tastic breakout hit, Jersey Shore, hasn’t really been known for running actual music videos for a few years now. The new logo sports the familiar MTV design, but now features pictures of the channel’s latest batch of “talent” — like Snooki.

MTV threw its audience a frickin’ bone last spring when it introduced AMtv, a block of videos running from 3-9am, but not even MTV2 — which took on the mantle of airing music videos when MTV dove headfirst into the shallow end of the reality TV kiddie pool — is really doing anything musically outside of that block. “The people who watch it today, they don’t refer to MTV as music television,” MTV Head of Marketing Tina Exarhos told the Los Angeles Times. “They don’t have the same emotional connection that, say, the people who are writing about [the logo change] do.” Translation: Those of us who grew up with MTV and remember it fondly for playing videos are now officially old, and we are cordially invited to suck it.”

In Snooki we trust the future of America!  *fist pump*

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The Super Bowl through my eyes… one tweet at a time

Feb 8

Posted by matthaze in Just for fun, Life | No Comments

It’s become a new tradition lately… me tweeting the silly (to some people entertaining, I still say silly) thoughts that come to mind as I’m watching a big spectacle such as the Super Bowl.  Anyone who was following me last night would have seen some bizarre, yet truthful, thoughts come out of my mouth.

So if you missed the “show,” here’s the tweets that I sent in the order I was watching…

Steve Winwood for pre-Superbowl entertainment? What was Billy Ocean not available?


90% of people who complain that the rich get richer will be watching the Superbowl, which gets many rich people richer. #getaclue


CBS has had many audio issues so far tonight… Carrie Underwood blowing the last few notes? Not one of them.


those magic CBS SPORTS jackets they wear RT @tonywgar: How come #cbs cant have audio issues when jam nantz & phil simms are yammering?


Pissed that the rich get richer? While you watched those Superbowl commercials, CBS just made $9 million dollars. #yousuckers


Did Bud Light’s ad execs drink when coming up with these ideas? Their commercials would only be funny after drinking REAL alcohol.


CBS has made $36 million so far in the last 60 minutes.#dontyouwishyouownedatvnetwork


Go Daddy called my manager wanting me to be a Go Daddy Girl this year. They then said no because I was “too hot” for the spots.#fact


The Who is also what anyone under the age of 25 watching the Superbowl halftime show will be saying. “The WHO??? Never heard of them!”


hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Dave, Oprah and Leno ad!!!!!


Why didn’t I try out for that Wear No Pants commercial??? #WouldntYouAllLikeToSeeThat #SorryForTheMentalPictue


I’m calling it now. The Leno/Letterman ad will be the 2nd most instant DVR rewind moment ever behind Janet. It was nearly as shocking.


Halfway thorugh that groundhog commerical, that loud noise you heard was all the members of PETA screaming “what the hell?!”


*jaw drops* RT @Oprah: Yes that was REAL D, J and me. Shot Tuesday nite in New York undercover at D’s studio.


wow! RT @alexweprin Yes, Leno, Letterman, Oprah spot filmed at Lettermans studio this week, according to a CBS press release. Jay WAS there.


Hey Jonas Brothers fans, yes this is what your boys will look like in 50 years. Don’t cry, little girl!


YES!!! RT @djgonzo1979: Next year, C+C Music Factory.


Oh I can watch the game in Spanish? I wouldn’t understand a damn word, but it would still be better than Jim Natz.


RT @MitchEnglish: Remember when Chevy was funny? You know, before the Gov’t bailout


Are we sure the federal government funded the US Census ad and not the Green Police ad? I smell controversy…


RT @gavinpurcell: NYT’s Bill Carter gets the story on the Jay/Dave Superbowl Ad http://bit.ly/aIzSLg


WOOO!! SAINTS WINS!! *flashes everyone around* nah, you can keep your beads…


Crazy?  Yes.  Yes, I know.

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It’s better to NOT have CBS air your Super Bowl commercial!

Jan 29

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With less than two weeks away until “the big game,” we’re already talking about those fancy, well done, creative Super Bowl TV commercials.  And not one has aired yet.

So far two spots that haven’t even hit American TV airwaves have been causing a ruckus among people…

1) A gay dating site called ManCrush submitted a spot having two men watching the game end up in a full, passionate embrace (story)

2) A spot featuring former Florida QB Tim Tebow on abortion from an organization called Focus on the Family. (story)

Ahh, the days when TV was so innocent...

Neither of these commercials have even made it to air or been made available to the public, yet the story is the talk of numerous news stories across all mediums, and especially online in blogs.

You know, I think I’d rather create a TV spot and NOT have CBS air it.

Look at the amount of free publicity these companies are getting and look how much their message is getting spread around!

Sure, we’ll see the regulars such as Budweiser, Go Daddy and other big names with their well written TV spots that they hope we’ll be talking about Monday morning around the proverbial water cooler.

But the two commercials under debate were able to get even more ground thanks to everything being all up in arms about it, days before they even air…if they even do.

Is this an example of the future of media?  What is worth more… the $2.5 million you’ll shell out to have your 30 second message air that night on CBS, or having CBS debate your spot and having that message spread around the media and the internet, without even paying a penny to CBS?

The big media outlets hold onto their belief that they are the gatekeepers for getting a message out to the masses and spreading the good news of an organization to all of us.

I think CBS, without even thinking about it, is making a case that their strongest sales pitch doesn’t hold true anymore.

Well done guys. :-)

To keep the NFL happy… the term “Super Bowl” is trademarked by the National Football League and is used in this post for journalistic purposes, only.  Now keep your attorneys away, please.

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Bizarre ways to start a phone conversation…

Jan 28

Posted by matthaze in Just for fun, Life | No Comments

My BlackBerry goes off at 11:30 last night…

Me: “Hey there…”
Her: “Hey, I’m lost.”
Me: “Where you at?”
Her: “Westchester County.”
Me: “Well, I don’t know the north ‘burbs well, I’ll pull up a map…”
Her: “No need. I need a cigarette, too.”
Me: “I only smoke cigars. What is my role in this conversation?”
Her: “You’re company.”
Me: “Thank you for the clarification.”

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