Matt Haze

It’s become a new tradition lately… me tweeting the silly (to some people entertaining, I still say silly) thoughts that come to mind as I’m watching a big spectacle such as the Super Bowl.  Anyone who was following me last night would have seen some bizarre, yet truthful, thoughts come out of my mouth.

So if you missed the “show,” here’s the tweets that I sent in the order I was watching…

Steve Winwood for pre-Superbowl entertainment? What was Billy Ocean not available?

90% of people who complain that the rich get richer will be watching the Superbowl, which gets many rich people richer. #getaclue

CBS has had many audio issues so far tonight… Carrie Underwood blowing the last few notes? Not one of them.

those magic CBS SPORTS jackets they wear RT @tonywgar: How come #cbs cant have audio issues when jam nantz & phil simms are yammering?

Pissed that the rich get richer? While you watched those Superbowl commercials, CBS just made $9 million dollars. #yousuckers

Did Bud Light’s ad execs drink when coming up with these ideas? Their commercials would only be funny after drinking REAL alcohol.

CBS has made $36 million so far in the last 60 minutes.#dontyouwishyouownedatvnetwork

Go Daddy called my manager wanting me to be a Go Daddy Girl this year. They then said no because I was “too hot” for the spots.#fact

The Who is also what anyone under the age of 25 watching the Superbowl halftime show will be saying. “The WHO??? Never heard of them!”

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Dave, Oprah and Leno ad!!!!!

Why didn’t I try out for that Wear No Pants commercial??? #WouldntYouAllLikeToSeeThat #SorryForTheMentalPictue

I’m calling it now. The Leno/Letterman ad will be the 2nd most instant DVR rewind moment ever behind Janet. It was nearly as shocking.

Halfway thorugh that groundhog commerical, that loud noise you heard was all the members of PETA screaming “what the hell?!”

*jaw drops* RT @Oprah: Yes that was REAL D, J and me. Shot Tuesday nite in New York undercover at D’s studio.

wow! RT @alexweprin Yes, Leno, Letterman, Oprah spot filmed at Lettermans studio this week, according to a CBS press release. Jay WAS there.

Hey Jonas Brothers fans, yes this is what your boys will look like in 50 years. Don’t cry, little girl!

YES!!! RT @djgonzo1979: Next year, C+C Music Factory.

Oh I can watch the game in Spanish? I wouldn’t understand a damn word, but it would still be better than Jim Natz.

RT @MitchEnglish: Remember when Chevy was funny? You know, before the Gov’t bailout

Are we sure the federal government funded the US Census ad and not the Green Police ad? I smell controversy…

RT @gavinpurcell: NYT’s Bill Carter gets the story on the Jay/Dave Superbowl Ad http://bit.ly/aIzSLg

WOOO!! SAINTS WINS!! *flashes everyone around* nah, you can keep your beads…

Crazy?  Yes.  Yes, I know.

My BlackBerry goes off at 11:30 last night…

Me: “Hey there…”
Her: “Hey, I’m lost.”
Me: “Where you at?”
Her: “Westchester County.”
Me: “Well, I don’t know the north ‘burbs well, I’ll pull up a map…”
Her: “No need. I need a cigarette, too.”
Me: “I only smoke cigars. What is my role in this conversation?”
Her: “You’re company.”
Me: “Thank you for the clarification.”

I can’t believe I’ve given into the hype…

I decided to join the “change your Facebook profile picture to the celebrity everyone thinks you look like” week.

What do you think???  Pretty accurate, right??  The hair gives it away…

Become my Facebook friend, will you?? http://www.facebook.com/matthaze

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of...

Who needs books.  Who needs the internet.

You can learn everything you need to know in life on a subway ride.

I rarely take the subway in the morning during rush hour, unless I have to.  Today was one of those mornings when I had to.

You would think that a 25 minute packed-in-like-sardines L train ride from Brooklyn into Manhattan would be the most unpleasant experience a human could encounter to start a Monday, especially when they haven’t had their first cup of coffee yet.

I beg to differ.

For it was during that 25 minutes of feeling like a number that I was able to educate myself on the lessons of life.

A packed subway ride is like grabbing the Sunday paper and just browsing through all the different subjects fit to print… admiring the vast array of knowledge that life has to offer you.

Don’t believe me?  Well fine skeptic, let me make you a believer!

Look at this list of human knowledge I gained this morning on a 25 minute ride on a Manhattan-bound L train…

MUSIC: According to a gentleman by the name of Jerome, who was traveling with a friend of his who was kind enough to share his iPod, if Lil Wayne released 3 new albums at one time, he’d be “all over that shit, and so would everyone else.”  Hell, Jerome would even tweet about it, and he doesn’t “do that twitter thang.”  His partner in crime disagreed with a very valid and thought provoking point: “brotha please, who buys albums???  I’d YouTube that shit!”

SELF-HELP: Hate your life?  Your life will suck just a little less when you have your iPod turned up as loud as you can and you just sit staring outside the window looking at nothing.  But you’re in your little bubble.  And for that short time, life in that little bubble sucks a little less.

LIFE: It’s the little things in life you enjoy most.  Like winning the luck card early in the morning when you get a standing spot right underneath the air conditioning duct.  It’s not necessary to pray that chilled air arrives to you by the time it reaches your part of the car.

LOVE: I love natural brunettes with light blue eyes.  Ohmigod.

BOOKS & NEWS: Reading a Chinese newspaper over someone’s shoulder is 100x more interesting than having your head buried in a New York Times. Why?  Two words: the pictures.

FASHION: 2003 called, it wants my old beat up laptop bag back.  But if you look past the laptop bag, damn gurl, I got STYLE!

ORGANIZATION: Always be prepared.  Never have to refill your Metro card during morning rush hour.  You’ll always have to wait in line behind some woman who has never used a Metro card kiosk in her life and decided to refill her card by $20 with those fancy one dollar coins.

SEX & RELATIONSHIPS: Yes Mr. Deep Subway Voice Guy, I’m well aware that improper touching on the subway is a crime and I should report it immediately.  But honestly, if someone cops a feel, I won’t mind.  Actually, I allow it as a public service to the City of New York.

SEX & RELATIONSHIPS PART B: There is (allegedly) an extended mix of Beyone’s “Sweet Dreams” with a rap mixed in with the song.  Our new friend Jerome was listening to it with his bud and rapping along with these new lyrics that I’ve never heard before.  But it’s not the fact that there’s a different mix that I really learned.  It was what they were talking about IN the rap.  I had no clue you could do that in the bedroom!  Mental note.

SEX & RELATIONSHIPS PART C: And finally… I learned that Brandy has a real ass of a husband.  I guess last night he was out once again with “that dirty ho” and and she’s getting really sick of putting up with it.  I’m sorry Brandy, but YOU are the dirty ho for sticking around.

Next time you’re on the subway, put the book away.  Close up the newspaper.  Take the ear buds out.  Just watch.  Just listen.  You just may learn something.